Fun

It was probably assumed by most of you who kept visiting occasionally for the past two months to see no updates, but I’ll just make it official: Second-String Fullback tore his metaphorical ACL and it is a career-ending injury. The average career is 3.5 years -or six if you’re Roger Goodell, apparently- but poor, scrappy SSF barely made it through two. I would have announced the end earlier, but I didn’t want to take away from the closing of Free Darko or Punte’s departure. This is on a higher level of importance than those events, obviously.

The reason? Even though I haven’t been posting in two months, I’ve definitely attempted to try and come back with a couple posts. There certainly has been a lot happening in the NFL lately, so a lack of ideas wasn’t the problem. It just didn’t feel like fun anymore. It was work. I’m not looking to do work for free, dammit. Unpaid internships are for saps.

The whole work aspect’s another part of why I decided to end SSF. I’m graduating college now, and I need to look for actual big boy jobs. Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up writing about football for realsies. Think of this doubling as a final post AND job listing. They probably won’t let me post backyard football videos though.

I’m still on Twitter, though, so make sure to follow me. Yeah, I’m shilling to get more followers. So what?

I’d like to thank: anyone who has read SSF, anyone who has linked to it, anyone who has sent me an email and anyone who has written for this site. That’s a good blanket statement for gratitude. Let’s leave the way we entered: with fun (boom, see what I did there? Also, it wouldn’t be a good final post without parentheses. I love you all).

Well, We’re Basically In A Lockout

Screw it. The NFL is dead. Very few people read this blog right now. Let’s post some CATS

Without The NFL: Day Nine

I’m back! It’s been over a week since my first day without football and not a lot has changed.
—
I got sick over this weekend, and I fully blame it on the lack of NFL. Brandon Banks getting stabbed isn’t the same thing as watching three hours of pregame chucklefuckfests, dammit.
—
Much more Madden. I’m playing in franchise mode as the St. Louis Rams! I’ve turned Sam Bradford into a throw-on-the-run gunslinger! He has 18 picks in 10 games. THAT’S FUCKING HUSTLE.
—
Baseball season’s starting soon. I’ve got that to look forward to, but the key part is that it isn’t here yet. I fill my sports hole (gross) with any NBA highlights and occasional hockey, but besides that, nothing’s really that interesting right now. Fuck college basketball. It’s not interesting until you have to write team names down on paper and pay money for it. I don’t want to watch worse shooting than most NBA teams. Not worth it to me.
—
I’ll leave you with a song this week. Maybe I should stick to depressing songs or whatever, but I’m not that kind of person. Here’s a favorite of mine. PUT THIS SHIT IN YOUR EARS.

Without The NFL: Day One

I’m going to start an occasional series of posts updating my activity the day after the Super Bowl ends, as there’s a lot of people yelling that we won’t have any NFL seasons for a year or two. Let’s see how I cope.

—
Woke up at 10 a.m. Checked computer, and I was reminded that the Packers won the Super Bowl last night. I laughed at the stupid Steelers, but that laughter slowly turned into me crying in my bed. Roommate came back from class and called me a bitch.
—
It’s around 12:30 p.m. I went to all my fantasy football leagues this season and clicked refresh on them for roughly 30 minutes, kind of like this:

—
Current time: 4 p.m. I got out of class and clicked on ESPN, then on Deadspin. Realized Deadspin’s new interface is worse than no NFL news. Clicked on Twitter and laughed at some fart jokes.
—
It is now 9:30 p.m. I’m going to play Madden and start a season in Franchise Mode. It doesn’t matter what team, as long as I have some kind of football.

SUPERBOWLPICK

Packers over Steelers

Evenly matched teams, good quarterbacks, and one defense is better. I hate Ben Roethlisberger, and I hope James Harrison breaks his arm on the first play of the game. This weekend, get drunk, eat way too much food, laugh at some farting babies in commercials and have fun watching football. Enjoy the hell out of it.

A Very Special Rap Song Football Comparison Alert

Numerous rappers love comparing stuff to other stuff. Example: “Young Money baby, big shit like a horse ass” or “I’ve got more records than the KGB.” In this occasional series, I’ll find the best comparisons involving players or teams from the NFL in rap songs. And who knows, maybe you’ll end up listening to the whole song. If you’ve got suggestions, email them to me.

Lil Wayne has released a remix of Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow,” a Pittsburgh Steelers anthem, and turned it into “Green and Yellow,” a rally song for the Green Bay Packers. I must say, it’s pretty damn good. There are multiple references to players on both teams, such as Ike Taylor, Clay Matthews, Troy Polamalu and more. Weezy even finishes out the song chanting “Go Pack Go!” This might give the momentum for the Packers to win. When one of the most popular artists right now makes a song after your team, you better not disappoint.

Also, if you’re a rapper trying to find some face time and you have at least one football comparison in any of your stuff, email me and I’ll put it up here.

So, The Pro Bowl Stuff Happened

I didn’t watch any of the Pro Bowl, just like I’ve been doing since I started following the NFL. I have no angry rants on why they should change it, primarily because I really don’t care. There’s a certain audience for halfhearted football with weird plays in a place most likely warmer than wherever you’re watching from, and I’m not part of it. Players get their money, hang out with their friends on other teams, a couple hula girls get nailed and we all end the night watching something else.

Sean Payton, Please Shut Up

Everyone’s given their opinion on Bears quarterback Jay Cutler after he left the NFC Championship game with a knee injury, from former and current NFL players to Charles Freakin’ Barkley (who has some really good points). It’s Wednesday now, and you’d think it would subside by now, but since there’s no football this Sunday (the Pro Bowl doesn’t count), we’ve still got some more hits to take out on this dying horse! Sean Payton, coach of the New Orleans Saints? Take it away!

Matthew Stafford Is A Beautiful China Doll

Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford hasn’t exactly been returning on the draft pick Detroit spent on him like Sam Bradford has. It seems that even some of his own teammates are getting a little impatient, such as Zack Follett. When you spend that much money on a player, you give him a year or so before he needs to get his shit together.

Things During Super Bowl Are Going To Be Expensive, No One Is Surprised

If you’re going to the Packers-Steelers Super Bowl, it would be in your best interest to find someone else to drive you or take a cab, as the spots to park cars are incredibly expensive. Then again, buying Super Bowl tickets probably means that you’re either rich or won some kind of contest.

FOX Sports:

Parking lots close to Cowboys Stadium were demanding almost $1,000 for prime spots, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported, while many hotels looked to charge four times their usual room rates around the Feb. 6 event.

At an eye-watering $990, ParkWhiz priced a reserved place in its lot at more than $850 above the stadium’s official parking fee, aimed at fans reluctant to take a pre-game stroll.

“Official stadium parking is over a mile away,” the site said, adding that a “parking pass through ParkWhiz” would take fans “closer to the action.”

But it was not alone in attempting to make a heavy return on the arrival of thousands for the NFL’s showcase event. Rooms in a number of hotels close to the stadium were going for close to $500 dollars around game day, way beyond their usual price of around $75 to $150.

The fact that these places are jacking up their prices so high still isn’t as bad as the fact that there will be people who eventually pay it. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to go to the Super Bowl until I get loads and loads of money, which is why I write this blog. It’s totally going to be my ticket to the high life!

Photo via.