Everybody’s favorite media-accessible NFL loud-mouth (T.O.’s not as funny) tweeted about the idea of running ESPN by himself. I think that this would be a major improvement on the ESPN we have now. To take this a step further, I outlined what would be a 24-hour schedule of programming if it became ESPN: The Ocho…Cinco.
12:00 AM – 1:00 AM: The only actual hour of sports highlights
1:01 AM – 7:00 AM Home Shopping Network Tie-In for Tooth Jewelry and Cincinnati Bengals Merchandise
7:01 AM – 7:30 AM Wake-Up With Marvin Lewis
7:31 AM – 8:00 AM Which Bengals Player Got Arrested This Time?
8:01 AM – 12:00 PM Highlights of Ochocinco’s Career
12:01 PM – 2:00 PM Surveillance Camera Footage of Carson Palmer’s Kids
2:01 PM – 3:00 PM What’s Chad Eating For Lunch Today?
3:01 PM – 5:00 PM A movie where Chad Ochocinco dubs everything so that the movie is somehow about him. Examples: Saving Private Ochocinco, Million Dollar Ochocinco, Space Jam featuring Chad Ochocinco.
5:01 PM – 6:00 PM Empty Season Guarantees That Won’t Be Fulfilled
6:01 PM – 7:00 PM Chad’s Tweets!
7:01 PM – 8:00 PM Breaking In The Rookies Featuring Cedric Benson and Chris Henry. Andre Smith and Rey Maualuga as The Rookies.
8:01 PM – 8:30 PM Wait, Dhani Jones Has a Successful TV Show?
8:31 PM – 9:30 PM Yell At The Rest Of The AFC North Featuring Tank Johnson
9:31 PM – 10:00 PM Hey There, Did You Know? J.D. Runnels Has Vitiligo!
10:01 PM – 10:30 PM Sparring Sessions: Look How Tough I Am Against Amateur Bantamweights!
10:31 PM – 11:00 PM Jordan Palmer’s Storybook Special
11:01 PM – 11:30 PM LOOK INTO ANDRE CALDWELL’S EYES. HE DEMANDS YOU TO.
11:31 PM – 12:00 AM Ocho-stravaganza: A Recap of the Day in Song by Chad Ocho-Sings-O