We’ve all seen the terrifying picture of Andre Smith at the NFL Combine, his glorious moobs flailing wildly as he sprints down the field. I won’t post it here, because I’d rather not throw up today. A report is now saying that the Cincinnati Bengals put a weight clause when they finally signed him to a contract this past week.
First of all, the lede to this story made me laugh. A lot.
The Cincinnati Bengals have a reputation around the league for their strict business practices, and their recent contract with first-round pick Andre Smith is another example.
“You’re only allowed to get arrested once, Mr. Benson. After that, you get put into the Marvin Lewis Zone, where he yells at you for 4 hours and hopefully something good will come out of it. We’d call in Tony Dungy, but no one gives a fuck about the Bengals.”
According to sources, the team branded Smith with a stringent and potentially costly “weight clause,” which will require Smith to stay at or below 350 pounds during the season.
Smith, who is listed at 335 pounds, will risk losing a significant portion of his salary if he is caught above the 350-pound limit.
I can’t wait until he gets suspended one game for sneaking a Ho-Ho over on the sideline. This kind of misconduct will be very entertaining for the season to come.
UPDATE: Smith suffered a fracture in his foot today at practice. Dear Andre Smith, you’re a fucking idiot. Missing training camp and then attending practice will obviously have an effect on you. Congratulations on being a huge turd.