I… Can’t Hate The Bengals

Seriously. I really can’t hate them, and I’m not sure why.

It was easy for me to become a closet Cleveland Browns fan because I already hated the Steelers, Ravens, and Bengals. I just always hated them, and their fans, and the fact that their teams would always beat me in Madden in Franchise Mode and ruin my good season. They were faceless assholes to me. Tommy Maddox? Who the fuck is that? Fuck Ray Lewis. I hate Carson Palmer.

Now, however, I’ve matured a little bit, and so have they.

Just as a note: I still hate the Steelers and Ravens. My hate for them will never change. I actually hate all teams from Pennsylvania. Fuck the Phillies, Eagles, Pirates, 76ers, Steelers, and any other team, including you, Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, for having the name Yankees and being in that stupid state. I don’t even think I’ve been to Pennsylvania, but I just have such a bad impression from anything I hear about the fans or people there that I have developed a judgment of them already.

Back to my original point. I used to loathe the Bengals. Their fucking stupid uniforms, the way they used to suck, but would always still decimate their poor intrastate rivals.. it all bothered me. I used to fucking hate Chad Johnson, and how cocky he was. Irrational, uninformed hate is the easiest kind of hate.

They’ve changed all that shit around, and it might sound stupid, but I think it partially has to do with Chad Johnson changing his last name to Ochocinco, and also joining Twitter. He gave this team a face, an identity. I might be reading into this too much, and I really wish I had the ability to ask Chad Ochocinco a few questions, but when he changed his name, he dedicated himself to his team. It could be perceived as a very foolish idea to transform your life around a number, as Stephon Marbury did by tattooing the number 3 on his head, but it shows dedication.

Everyone always ragged on the Bengals picking up wayward players who had gotten a DUI or some sort of assault charge and expecting consistency out of them. I probably wasn’t alone in thinking that it felt like Burt Reynolds was coaching the team against the prison guards, and Cincinnati used to play like the womens’ prison. This year, Cedric Benson is in the high tier of fantasy and actual running backs, being the first 100-yard rusher in a long time against the Baltimore Ravens’ praised run defense. This is the guy who was arrested for being allegedly drunk while driving a boat, and then arrested again a month later for driving a car while intoxicated. He was the butt of all jokes, and considered to be absolutely useless. Why would Marvin Lewis use him? Kenny Watson wasn’t an every-down back and DeDe Dorsey was hurt, and not really that effective. If you have Benson on your fantasy team right now, however, whether you actually picked him or got “stuck” with him because of autodraft, you’re very happy right now if you’ve used him. He’s rebooting his career, and hopefully will keep producing the whole year and stay out of trouble.

It’s very easy to see when a football team has given up on the season, and the Bengals did it very frequently. You can tell, after 4 or 5 games and only one or two wins, when the players are just there to get paid and don’t care about records anymore. It seemed very likely that this would happen after the first-week upset in the final minute to the Denver Broncos, with that ridiculous tipped catch by Brandon Stokley to win the game after the Bengals had a one-point lead. Cincinnati would have a 4- or 5-win season, get some lineman in the draft, and keep struggling along, probably with a Marvin Lewis firing.

Earlier last week, Mike Zimmer, the defensive coordinator for the Bengals, probably had football as the last thing on his mind when he found out that his wife had unexpectedly passed away. He still decided to be on the sideline and call plays for his team, not leaving them on their own. ESPN, CBS and FOX showed in the locker room, after the Bengals had won in the final minute with a touchdown from Carson Palmer to Andre Caldwell, and Zimmer thanking the players in the locker room, telling them that his wife would be proud of them whether they won or lost.

I am a Patriots fan, but I also am a football fan. I love the sport, although I have never actually played it. It captivates me for some reason. I love teams that rejuvenate themselves from the basement of the league and become the great new surprise. I love players that return to their prime level of play. Everyone hates them, but I love Ochocinco, Randy Moss, and Terrell Owens. They add character to the NFL. I will not root for the Bengals, but I won’t hate them anymore. I can’t.