FOOTBALLDAY: The Redemption

Welcome to this week’s FOOTBALLDAY. Full of everything you love, and keeping the same great taste! We haven’t changed anything! Oh yeah, except we have a new writer. That’s about it though.

You might know this song as “That Song In The Commercial With The Fat Asian Guy In The Car Singing And Acting Weird Because He’s Fat,” but it’s actually “Point of Know Return” by Kansas. Enjoy.

If you don’t know by now, SSF has a new writer. His name is Rovitz, and he came here to party.. and write blog posts about football. Treat him well, you one or two hecklers that don’t really show up often. I’m going to keep plugging the shit out of this for emails, so please email me at secondstringfullback@gmail.com. It makes me feel important, and you can yell at me if you want. Who doesn’t like yelling at other people with no fear of consequences?

Here’s your nice thing of the week to do when you’re not watching football. Every way of scoring in American football, brought to you by Sporcle! If you don’t get 4, reevaluate your life. If you get all five, good job, you should have anyway. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, I’M CALLING OUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF SPORTS OVER THE INTERNET. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, BITCH? EMAIL ME AT SECONDSTRINGFULLBACK@GMAIL.COM? YEAH, I THOUGHT SO.

Alright, here are the picks. Times are in EST.

October 18

Houston Texans at Cincinnati Bengals, 1:00 PM

Would the Bengals prove anything by beating the Texans? Probably not, but it would help their record obviously. I’m finally admitting it. The Texans aren’t contenders right now. They definitely have chances to be, but their offensive line sucks and their overall defense isn’t great either. Steve Slaton also added weight, which fucked up his quickness and now he’s not anywhere as good as he was last year. Am I being really negative now? Yeah. Cedric Benson is going to tear through the Texans’ run defense though. I never thought I’d write that sentence. Weird.
Cincinnati over Houston

Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers, 1:00 PM

Alright, people who go against the Lions every week for suicide pools: it’s going to end soon and you’ll regret it. I’m going with the obvious choice for this game, but I honestly think the Lions will keep it close, and have a big chance to upset. I don’t know why, and it’s not because I’ve recently brought in another writer from Michigan. Trust me, the Lions will win games soon and you’ll finally drop out of the suicide pool and let me win.
Green Bay over Detroit

Baltimore Ravens at Minnesota Vikings, 1:00 PM

Brett Favre against a legitimate pass defense? Green Bay doesn’t count. This is going to be an interception-filled game, hopefully. I don’t see the Ravens losing three straight, but they’re definitely not one of the top five teams in the league, ESPN. Fucking idiots.
Baltimore over Minnesota

New York Giants at New Orleans Saints, 1:00 PM

ATTENTION: REALLY INTERESTING GAME ALERT. Shootout. Eli Manning’s injury might hurt him a little, and the Saints are coming off a bye week, they’re at home, and their run defense is pretty solid this year, so I really don’t see any positives from the Giants. Sorry.
New Orleans over New York

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers, 1:00 PM

Phew, I’m just happy the Browns have no chance of going defeated this year. I knew Buffalo would fail miserably. They always do. This game’s a no-brainer though.
Pittsburgh over Cleveland

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 1:00 PM

The Buccaneers have an absolutely heinous defense right now, and their offense consists of passing stuff to Kellen Winslow. What a miserable team. Jake Delhomme will attempt to get back on track with a win here. How the mighty have fallen, huh? Actually, scratch that. No one ever thought of Jake Delhomme as mighty.
Carolina over Tampa Bay

Kansas City Chiefs at Washington Redskins, 1:00 PM

Battle of the Native Americans! Redskins suck so miserably that they’ll probably give a win to every winless team that faces them. The Chiefs are very dangerous, as they showed last week. Let’s see if they can finally get that win.
Kansas City over Washington

St. Louis Rams at Jacksonville Jaguars, 1:00 PM

The Jaguars always eke out a 7-9 or 8-8 record at the end of the year. They aren’t bad, but don’t quite have the material for playoff contenders, not counting that one year in 2007 when they signed David Garrard for an extension of 6 years and some ridiculous amount of money. That was pretty stupid.
Jacksonville over St. Louis

Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks, 4:05 PM

Seattle’s secondary is terrible. They cut Brian Russell, and that guy BLOWS. Do you think they can match up against Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin?
Arizona over Seattle

Philadelphia Eagles at Oakland Raiders, 4:05 PM

Great suicide pick if you haven’t used it. I really don’t keep track of my suicide picks, and change them often during the week before the games, so don’t trust when I say shit like this. I’ll just give you matchups that would be ideal for suicide picking, though.
Philadelphia over Oakland

Tennessee Titans at New England Patriots, 4:15 PM

Remember when everyone thought this would be a marquee matchup? That was great. The Patriots haven’t lost back-to-back games in I don’t know how long, and they’re at home.
New England over Tennessee

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets, 4:15 PM

Just what Rex Ryan and the Jets need to get back on track. I honestly thought Dick Jauron would be fired last week, especially after that embarrassing loss to the Browns. I’m typing this on Wednesday, so I’m not holding my breath right now. If the Bills lose again, there is no way that Jauron should be there.
New York over Buffalo

Chicago Bears at Atlanta Falcons, 8:20 PM

Very good Sunday night game here. The Falcons’ run defense is pretty shoddy, and Matt Forte has a good chance of running all over them. The Bears are coming off of a bye week, and the Falcons are coming off of a rout of the San Francisco 49ers. The Falcons are very capable.
Atlanta over Chicago

October 19

Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers, 8:30 PM

Alright, the Broncos might be 5-0, but this will be the true test of whether or not they’re legit! Give it up, they’re good, and they’ll most likely win the AFC West this year, barring a huge implosion.
Denver over San Diego