St. Louis Writer Says Rams Will Go 8-8, Everyone Laughs In His Face

If everything goes splendid for the Rams, and no pick is wasted, they can pull away from this upcoming NFL Draft with a solid base of a team.

I’m not a fan of preseason predictions, but if you tell me St. Louis can go 4-12 next year in this situation, I’d probably agree. Heck, I’d agree up to 6-10.

But 8-8? 8-8? I’m sorry, but no.

Alvin Reid, who seems like a personable guy from his picture, from the St. Louis Globe-Democrat, took a look at the 2010 schedule for the Rams, and believes that it would be possible to go .500 for a team that won one game last season.

Let’s take a look at where he went wrong. And before you bring up the Falcons after Matt Ryan or the Jets after Mark Sanchez, kindly refer to my tags to find out what I think about that.

I’ve got the St. Louis Rams going 8-8 next season.
ALLLLLLVVVVIIIIINNNNN!!!! Sorry, I had to do it once and I thought I’d get it out of the way by doing it at the beginning.

Without knowing who the Rams will draft on Thursday night in the opening round of the NFL Draft or in the following rounds; without knowing what injuries will beset the Rams during the season; without knowing who will be signed, released or traded between now and Sept. 12; and without even knowing who the heck will own the team … I can really see 8-8 in my crystal ball.
That’s a terrible hypothetical situation and you should be ashamed of thinking that regardless of not knowing all those things.

The Rams won’t make the playoffs.
Well, I’m glad I know THAT now! No money on the Rams making the playoffs from me!

In fact, the Rams will sink into a five-game losing streak and the Billy Devaney-Steve Spagnuolo regime will be under fire during this grueling stretch of the 2010 campaign.

But the team that won just once last year, could likely add seven wins this season.

Here’s how.

Sept. 12 – Arizona Cardinals … Look for the Rams to retire Kurt Warner’s No. 13 on this opening Sunday and then look for a spirited Rams defense to harass Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart into multiple interceptions. The Rams get just enough offense to win a raucous home opener. 1-0.
After Leinart is mildly frazzled by the anemic St. Louis secondary, the Cardinals turn to their running game of Beanie Wells and Tim Hightower to pound the hell out of the Rams’ porous defensive line in front of a 10% capacity crowd at the Edward Jones Dome. 0-1.

Sept. 19 – AT Oakland … Oakland isn’t as bad as led to believe. Jamarcus Russell is a grease fire, but the Raider defense is among the league’s upper echelon. The Raiders prevail in Week Two. 1-1.
This is what you have for the first Rams loss? A game against Oakland? While some certain aspects of Oakland’s defense are good, like Nnamdi Asomugha, I wouldn’t put it in the “upper echelon.” Also, “JaMarcus Russell” and “grease” are usually in the same sentence, but not like that. I say the Rams win this in spite of you. 1-1.

Sept. 26 – Washington … Mike Shanahan is the coach and Donovan McNabb is the quarterback. But this team is in rebuilding mode and the Rams beat them two years back and should have won in 2009. Rams not only win, they kick tail. 2-1.
You clearly are mistaken about what team is in rebuilding mode. McNabb and the three-headed, aging monster of Larry Johnson, Clinton Portis, and Willie Parker do enough without ruining all their knees to embarrass the Rams. 1-2.

Oct. 3 – Seattle … Pete Carroll is with the big boys now. He’ll get the Seahawks going in the right direction, but St. Louis will take care of the business it left on the field in both games against this team last year. Rams win in overtime. 3-1.
The Rams don’t have enough defensive talent to take on even Matt Hasselbeck (or Jesus, if Carroll decides to have him start) due to Steven Jackson not being able to run because of poor offensive blocking. 1-3.

Oct. 10 – AT Detroit … Letdown in Motown. This is the one the Rams will wish they could have back. The Lions will be motivated to avenge last year’s loss to the lowly 1-15 Rams. This week, the Rams lose in overtime. 3-2.
Rams lose in regulation because the Lions have an actual offense with actual talent. 1-4.

Oct. 17 – San Diego Chargers … Notorious for slow starts, San Diego could again get off poorly. But Norv Turner’s team gets it together just in time to top the Rams. The fans are restless after the Chargers handle the Rams with ease. 3-3
I’m really glad you didn’t have the Rams winning this. 1-5.

Oct. 24 – AT Tampa … In a hard-hitting affair, the Rams finally score on defense and sneak out with a win on the road. 4-3
Who’s going to score from the defense? Ron Bartell? There’s a shutdown corner. I’ll give you the win, though. 2-5.

Oct. 31 – Carolina … It’s Halloween and the Rams do more than scare the Panthers. They whip them. Is that playoff talk I hear on 101 ESPN? 5-3
No, and no. The Panthers aren’t scared because they have DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart. It seems like you didn’t even factor in any running games with these picks. 2-6.

Nov. 14 – AT San Francisco … The Rams hit the road after the bye week. They run into one of the NFL’s most improved teams in the 49ers. Coach Mike Singletary is in the running for coach of the year and he makes sure Frank Gore runs over the Rams. A downer coming off the bye. 5-4
Oh, never mind. You mentioned the running game. So are you just stupid then? I agree with the loss. 2-7.

Nov. 21 – Atlanta … The Falcons fly into town in search of a badly needed win. They get it with the ground game going crazy. With three tough road games to follow, Spagnuolo knows the importance of this game, but his team can’t pull it off. 5-5
Another mention of the running game destroying the Rams. This game’s on my birthday too, so happy birthday to me! 2-8.

Nov. 28 – AT Denver … At .500 10 games into the season, how could some Rams fans be disappointed? Yet, the sports talk radio chat is filled with gloom and doom. In a classic case of self-fulfilling prophesy, these fans get what their fear helped conjure up. Denver blasts the Rams. 5-6
Kyle Orton resembles MVP status as he throws for three touchdowns and rushes for 17 more to beat the Rams in the most depressing game ever. 2-9.

Dec. 5 – AT Arizona … So much for the playoff talk. In fact, the idiotic “fire the coach” talk is actually coming from some misguided fans’ mouths. Leinart has gotten his act together (or been benched) and the Cardinals add to the Rams’ misery. 5-7.
Oh, that playoff talk was dead two games into the season. Cardinals sweep for the season. 2-10.

Dec. 12 – AT New Orleans … Any real hope of reaching the playoffs ends with a loss in a tough game against the Saints. 5-8.
Unless the Saints have already clinched everything in the history of the NFL ever, there’s no way the Rams win this, and good old Alvin knows it. For some reason I feel like if Dan Shaughnessy was a St. Louis writer he would have typed up 1000 words on why the Rams are going to beat the Saints, just for the attention. 2-11.

Dec. 19 – Kansas City … Merry Christmas to Rams fans. The Governor’s Cup will reside in St. Louis as the Rams snap the five-game losing streak with a thorough trampling of the Chiefs. 6-8.
There’s a rivalry between who can be the worse football team in Missouri. Good thing college basketball is underway at this point! I’ll give the Rams the win here. 3-11.

Dec. 26 – San Francisco … The 49ers could reach the playoffs, but their momentum will be halted by a loss to the Rams. The Rams vs. 49ers rivalry will officially “be on” again. 7-8.
Nah, I don’t see it. I didn’t know there was a rivalry with the 49ers either. 3-12.

Jan. 2, 2011 – AT Seattle … The Rams will spend New Year’s Day in Seattle then leave Rams delighted with a road win over the Seahawks the following Sunday. Spagnuolo and Devaney can take deserved bows as the team’s charter reaches St. Louis Lambert International Airport. There will be no cheering crowds or fanfare when they return, but they are satisfied with a job well done. 8-8.
In a poorly played scrap for better draft position, the Seahawks lose to the Rams on an accidental safety with a minute left. Fifteen people are in attendance to see this game of epic proportions. After Roger Goodell finds out about teams diving for better draft picks, he decides to make a huge announcement on how he will make another announcement in a week giving out punishments to compensate for his small, ginger genitals. Rams win. 4-12.

Thanks for sharing that mythical journey with me. It might come true in some fashion. It might not.
It won’t.

But the season doesn’t begin on Thursday night with the draft. It started on Tuesday night because millions of fans just did what I did.
Deliriously predicted something that will never come true, most likely on a mixture of Robitussin and gin?

Now, excuse me. I have to figure out what the Dallas Cowboys are going to do in 2010.
Stay tuned for Alvin’s next article, entitled “Crystal ball, based on schedule, says Cowboys could go -12-41.”

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