Six Questions About All These Training Camp Questions

I’m already sick of all these columns getting published that consist of only random questions about teams in training camp. Speculation is fun in small doses, but this is just going overboard.

That said, I prepared my own Six Questions About All These Training Camp Questions. This is hard-hitting stuff, readers.

1. Are these columnists really getting paid to write these?

In one of the links above, the writer came up with 20 questions to ask about the Eagles. TWENTY. He asks if success will spoil Leonard Weaver, and then dismisses it immediately. That doesn’t count. Ask another question. You know what, actually, don’t.

2. Can a player shoot someone or can we have a huge blockbuster trade happen right now?

Dez Bryant refusing to carry the pads of Roy Williams is not something crazy. That’s just a meaningless story blown out of proportion because everyone wanted to pick on Bryant’s issues and now they have the ability to do so.

3. Instead of these columns, can we get photo galleries of cheerleader training camps?

I’m sure no one would disagree. Give the people what they want.

4. Has anyone seen my keys?

I’ve looked everywhere. Let me know if you find them.

5. Is it pretty clear that I’m already straining to think of six questions?

I seriously don’t know how that guy thought of 20. Oh wait, I do. He pulled them out of his ass. Here’s a great process to find questions to ask about any sports team before their season:

1. Find a player on the team who was recently acquired or who has little to no media coverage.
2. Ask if he can be a “difference-maker” or “game-changer.”
3. Answer your own question by vaguely saying, “Well, we won’t know until they hit the [area where they play their sport] this fall.”
4. Gaze adoringly at the nice, little pile of cash you just made from answering absolutely nothing.

6. Are you glad this is over?

Yeah, me too.

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