While I was scanning through various NFL players for fantasy consideration, I looked at some of the roster headshots that they took. Some players were downright scary, and I couldn’t tell whether it was their team picture, or a mugshot that was taken after they robbed a store and went on a high-speed chase. So we’re going to play a little game. I’m going to give you several pictures of NFL players. Some of them are headshots, some are mugshots. You’re going to guess which is which. THE ANSWERS MAY SURPRISE YOU.
AAAAAGHHH!! HOW’D THAT PICTURE GET IN THERE???? HE’S LOOKING INTO MY SOUUUUUUUUULLLL
Alright, fuck that. By the way, that’s Andre Caldwell, who comes from the depths of unseen darkness.
Let’s keep going. Is this picture of Laurence Maroney, from the New England Patriots, a headshot or mugshot?
Yep, that’s a headshot. Nice of you to stick your chin out, Laurence. Maybe you should stick your arm out and try to stiff-arm someone when you have the ball instead of dancing around for a yard and falling into a heap.
This is Steve Heiden, of the Cleveland Browns. Headshot or mugshot?
Man Steve, try not to look too enthused about this. Then again, he is playing for the Browns.
Next one is Matt Jones of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Headshot or mugshot?
Even though he’s been arrested for cocaine and some other shit a couple times, this picture is indeed the one he took for his roster picture. At least he doesn’t have to worry about it anymore, since he doesn’t have a pesky job.
This next one is fantasy darling Cedric Benson of the Bengals. Headshot or mugshot?
Surprisingly, it’s a headshot. Very odd though, because Benson actually looks happier in one of his multiple mugshot pictures.
Alright, last one. Headshot or mugshot?
That’s obviously Michael Vick, and it’s a mugshot. I felt dishonest since I said you’d have to guess, so I just threw this one in to keep you on your guard.
So what have we learned from today’s game? They should hand out those small plastic combs when it’s Picture Day for NFL players.